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“Destination: Dumb Luck”

January 16, 2009

Some people just luck out. Totally apart from their talents, merits, or qualifications, good things just happen to them. In other cases, these bearers of inexplicable good fortune manage to avoid terrible things that all reason dictates should happen to them. What can make this phenomenon particularly confusing, is when one of these types is on cable television practically begging to be savaged by an affronted Yeti.

For a while now, the Sci-Fi Channel has been cashing in on the running streak of dumb luck experienced by Josh Gates, host of the show  “Destination Truth.” According to the show’s website-

Every week, Josh Gates — a world adventurer and eager truth-seeker — and his small crew of production buddies visit a different international destination alleged to be the home of a notorious, supernatural or mysterious creature…”

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Sound intense? You know it is; this guy has the shades, stubble, and open shirt collar to prove it. It’s so intense that the chick with the bangs next to him is going to keep that camera rolling come hell or high water. Even a staged publicity shot won’t interrupt her quest for truth.

This show is the kind of serious scientific inquiry that even a cryptid has to respect. What notoriously reclusive creature could help but reveal itself to a self-described “eager truth-seeker” with his “small group of production buddies?”

The object of one of Eager Truth- Seeker’s expeditions was none other than the Himalayan Yeti. As if enough degradation and trite commercialism hasn’t already been heaped on this noble prowler of the peaks!

Our entire research staff has been locked in the conference room for five hours straight trying to discern how he managed to escape being battered and torn by an indignant, hate-blinded Yeti ( with the strength of 10-12 adult Yaks)?

Science has been pretty clear on what happens to people who put themselves in similar situations. The pitiless onslaught of the Yeti.

Among the qualities that could be listed on Gates’ application for the position of  near-perfect Yeti victim are: obvious lack of respect for the Yeti’s cunning and ferocity, being spectacularly naive, and…come on, his website calls him an “eager truth-seeker!” We wouldn’t wish a Yeti attack on anyone, but Gates making it out of the Himalayas alive flies in the face of all reason.

Perhaps the Yeti was unaware of the team’s presence? That is doubtful. Yeti are incredibly connected to the happenings their ice-bound realm. You don’t just walk in there without a Yeti knowing. Likewise, emerging research shows that other creatures of the region are quick to carry news of interlopers to the Yeti. Science has not yet conclusively spoken on why.

Several other theories are being bandied about even now, but by and large the attitude among the staff is “baffled.” Our congratulations go out to the team for surviving their filming expedition. We will probably never know how close they came to experiencing death at the hands of the very creature they sought.

The Beer Yeti hopes that for our next exploratory/data gathering expedition to the Himalayas we will be able to somehow involve “Survivorman” Les Stroud; far and away the most  hero-worshiped television personality throughout The Beer Yeti. Why would our organization extend this offer to Les Stroud, and not Josh Gates? Hopefully the pictures below will do the explaining. In all fairness, if Wolverine from the X-Men was available, we would probably go with him.

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2 comments

  1. Don’t hate on the chick with the bangs, BY!


  2. Swimmin,

    No hate here, friend. We want her to have all the credit she deserves!

    Beer Yeti



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