Obama’s Failure to Appoint Cryptozoology Czar is Raising Questions

August 14, 2009


Month after month has passed, person after person has been appointed to posts in President Obama’s administration, yet one glaring omission is causing wildfire-like speculation at the highest levels of governments around the globe.

Inside sources tell The Beer Yeti that President Obama has yet to appoint a Cryptozoology Czar.

The ramifications of this oversight are stunning. Says one anonymous scientist,

” The cryptozoology research community is dumbfounded. Does the current administration have any intentions of facilitating a collaborative research effort? It doesn’t seem like it. Honestly, people are scared.”

Even our veteran pollsters and data analysts were thrown off.  Up to this point, we assumed that the hubbub over massive healthcare shifts was  simply a distraction drummed up to buy Obama time to make a more thorough search for an appropriate figurehead for the United State’s cryptozoological research efforts.

We continue to hold out in hopes that President Obama has simply not found someone with the extensive qualifications and experience that holding such a vital office would require. All the same, speed is of the essence in meeting the lofty expectations of the nation and the world.

A substantive, policy-based position like Secretary of Cryptozoological Research and Cryptid Freedom Facilitation is one that the United States cannot afford to have empty for long.

What will President Obama do? We intend to keep our readers updated with the same information we receive.



  1. This is troubling news.

    I hold out hope, however, that there may be a secret cryptozoology-czar already in the administration. The prefix “crypto” certainly begs the possibility.

    Long time no see, by the way.

    Of course those pricks from Warsaw would deny the existence of a yeti—they’ve never had a family member or treasured pet pulled into the woods to be used like a tube sock by an adolescent yeti.

    You don’t deny the yeti, the yeti denies you. (Of life, or at least the ability to sit comfortably.)

    Too much? Seriously, though, it’s worth avoiding.

  2. Good to see you back, JGordon. We are totally tracking on the Pollock Yeti (Yollock?). Needless to say the office was in total uproar all afternoon. Our forensic teams are trying to piece the story together now. There are significant social justice/exploitation concerns that have been totally ignored by the Polish media.

    We can’t fault you for being honest about all the dangers this particular “sighting” posed, but we do have young readers, and must present these dangers as discreetly as possible.

    We will be presenting our findings as soon as our forensic teams conclude their part in the process.


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