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Sasquatch Sighting and Media Cover-up

December 3, 2009

Gulf Coast Bigfoot Research Organization infiltrated by shape-shifting Were Squatch

San Antonio law enforcement have been saddled with the unenviable task of trying to track down a “large, hairy creature” that was seen dragging a deer carcass into the woods.

After local authorities completed a predictably futile search,  a member of the Gulf Coast Bigfoot Research Organization (GCBRO) – came in to assess the situation. This cryptozoologist uncovered  non-human footprints, and there ended the media analysis. Local news stations report that GCBRO was aware of a number of sightings having been reported in the area over the last couple of years.

As a rule, we like localized Bigfoot Research Organizations of all shapes and sizes. Without the benefits of the facilities, equipment, experience, staff expertise, martial arts training and personal charm that The Beer Yeti enjoys, these local groups put themselves in the field – and in the line of Bigfoot attack –  to search out the elusive Sasquatch.

After completing a rigorous analysis of the case details, The Beer Yeti is ready to make some empirically grounded claims about the San Antonio Sasquatch.

Similar to the famous incident of the “Shape-shifting Mormon Were-Squatch” of British Columbia, we are dealing with a crafty beast, desperate to maintain freedom at all costs.

As many of you guessed right off, a Shape-shifter is the perpetrator of the sighting, and subsequent cover-up.

Our mainframes have processed and reprocessed the data, and determined that a Shape-shifter has infiltrated the Gulf Coast Bigfoot Research Organization (GCBRO), and perpetrated a high-level media cover up.

The Beer Yeti’s researchers, analysts and forensic reporters have reached unshakable consensus that one of  the GCBRO representatives who investigated the scene of the sighting is himself the San Antonio Shape-Shifting Were-Squatch. Truly a chilling turn of events, and one that should shake bigfoot research groups across the world into heightened security.

This is what happened…

Someone spotted the Were-Squatch gorging himself on a deer carcass and reported it to the media. A plant in the San Antonio local news media  (most likely another shape-shifter) was there to direct the call straight to the bigfoot sighting hotline. When the call came in to GCBRO, who do you think was on hand to head to the scene of the sighting? A freshly transmogrified Sasquatch, still dabbled with the refuse of his grisly feast.

Who knows how many long years it took the Were-Squatch to worm its way into the circle of trust at GCBRO, but there is no doubt the infiltration was total. Judging from their website’s hallucinogenic color scheme, the malevolent beast has some level of creative control, which it uses to undermine the group’s public relations efforts.

It was the perfect opportunity. When someone reported a sighting, the Were-Squatch was on hand to “investigate” its own handiwork. Of course no real evidence ever saw the light of day.

We can only imagine the shock wave that will tear through the Texas Bigfoot organization when the security breach is made plain to them. Hopefully they will have the courage to confront the Were-Squatch about hiding evidence that would have so many positive implications for the greater cryptozoological research community.

The Beer Yeti wishes them the best with their upcoming Were-Squatch intervention.

Update:

Rick Tullos, representative and contributor at The Gulf Coast Bigfoot Research Organization has contacted The Beer Yeti to emphatically deny that he shape shifted into a Sasquatch outside of San Antonio. Rick helpfully put together a report of his findings at the scene of the sighting, which can be read here.

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17 comments

  1. Any word from the GCBRO?


  2. I predict that GCBRO will get defensive and dismissive. What they need to do is clean house and rebuild a cadre of elite, zealous, and fanatically loyal shock troops, roughly along the organizational model of Beer Yeti.


  3. Of course they will. This is a big blow against their credibility. If you can’t spot the sasquatch in your midst, how can you find one in the wild?


  4. Tomorrow we will contact GCBRO with our findings.

    -TBY


  5. So, are you saying that “expert” Rick Tullos is a shapeshifter?


  6. Trax,

    You will notice we did not name any names not pointed out in the news article. He may very well be a savage, shape-shifting Sasquatch, but that is not what we are trying to point out. We looked at the facts and discerned that a shape-shifting were-Squatch was obviously involved and had infiltrated the GCBRO. It’s up to them to decide who it is, and how to deal with it.

    -TBY


  7. What the hell?
    All I did was go check out an area where a sighting was reported.
    Whoever did up the were squatch is a nut job!


  8. I’m a little surprised at anyone as supposedly expert as Rick Tullos doubting your strongly-backed findings, BY. Such a response almost sounds like suspiciously specific denial. It’s just an ad hominem to take the focus off of himself!


  9. Rick,

    That is hurtful. If you reconsider the post (and our comments) you will realize that we never stated that you personally are a shape-shifting were Squatch. Maybe you are, maybe you aren’t. Working out those details is up to you and your co-researchers at GCBRO.
    We also think it’s fair to say that our hypothesis about the shape-shifting Were Squatch is as credible and scientifically documented as any other made about the San Antonio sighting. Can’t we present our side of the story, Rick? Don’t you consider us on the same team?
    Unlike many of the naysayers you undoutbedly encounter, the question for us is not whether a cryptid was spotted in San Antonio, but what kind it really is, and what are its nefarious plans for the town.
    As a self-identifying bigfoot researcher, you undoubtedly know the sting of public ridicule. Don’t pass on the hate to us, man. If you are not a shape-shifter, name calling doesn’t make your case easier to prove.
    Since we welcome your involvement and experience as a cryptozoologist in the public eye, our Public Interface Director is going to give you an opportunity to share your contrary analysis of the San Antonio sasquatch sighting. Submit your thoughts to “beeryeti at gmail dot com” and we will give you full opportunity to have your opinions presented to our readership. Sound fair to you?

    Regards,

    The Beer Yeti


  10. What sounds fair to me is a retraction of the slanderous post.
    I didn’t call myself an “Expert” and the police didn’t call me in.
    I called WOAI for contact information on just who saw what and where and it gets blown out of proportion like this and my name gets dragged through the mud.
    I am not passing hate on to you but merely pointing out irresponsible reporting.
    They called me “Expert” not I.
    In my opinion there are no “Experts” in this field, if so we would have proven the existence of these animals long ago.
    I’m just a guy who is fascinated by the Bigfoot stuff and has had a couple of sightings himself and who gets out in the field to try to prove his claims whenever his time allows.
    The question I pose to you is, are you trying to find out the truth about these creatures (Bigfoot) or is your site just for entertainment purposes only?
    I think the latter.


  11. Rick, Rick, Rick,

    You are one touchy, touchy Bigfoot researcher.

    Read our first response to your comment, and then assess again whether anyone is “dragging your name through the mud.” As far as what commenters say, we are not responsible.

    Rick, we offered you a chance to submit an article for us to publish on our site, and you spurned us. That hurt, Rick.

    We even took off the word “expert” just to make you happy!

    You’ve got to meet us in the middle, Rick. It seems like we are the ones making all the overtures of Cryptozoological friendship here.

    In response to your question about whether we are here for entertainment or serious research, we urge you to read our post ” Australia Faces Werewolf Pandemic,” and reevaluate whether that is a query you still want to ask.

    Seriously Rick. Send us an article and we will run it. Will that make you go back to whistling through your days?

    The Beer Yeti


  12. “You’ve got to meet us in the middle, Rick. It seems like we are the ones making all the overtures of Cryptozoological friendship here. “,,,Funny!
    No you are the ones making all the accusations!

    “Seriously Rick. Send us an article and we will run it. Will that make you go back to whistling through your days?”,,,I am a happy person anyways, I have submitted my report to the GCBRO, it is posted and you may get it from there!

    I don’t have to “Meet you in the middle” you have to be responsible and report unbiased truth not opinion.
    I will post a link and maybe you can read it if and when you feel so inclined.
    http://www.gcbro.com/TXbexar0001.html


  13. Rick,

    Thanks for the link. We will definitely read it.

    Oh, and good luck on your crusade to free the internet from the shackles of people writing their own opinions!

    You have so completely missed the point of this site – and the good natured humor of our exchanges with you – that going through all the things about your comments that baffle us would take way more time than we can dedicate.

    Rick, seriously. We are going to even step out if character here for a second in hopes of catching you in a teachable moment. Think about what you just told a satire site on the internet – “you have to be responsible and report unbiased truth not opinion.”

    What page of the Fascist Party Internet Usage Handbook is that rule on?

    – The Beer Yeti


  14. OOPS, sorry, that is on the page regarding ethics and responsibility, (Sorry you seemed to miss that section),,LOL!

    Peace guys, I do appreciate a good joke after all I visited your site I just don’t like doing it at the expense of others reputations that they have worked hard to establish.
    When it was inferred that I was the infiltrating “Beer Yeti” I took that as you suggesting that I was some kind of beer guzzling redneck much in the fashion of a werewolf or Jekyl and Hyde, transforms into this hideous beast after a 6 pack or so, which demonstrates to me that you really do not know me as those who do can attest to.
    However you are free to have your erroneous opinion if you so wish, thank God for America that it is still a free country and I am in no humor these days to get into another internet verbal slug fest with anybody so I’ll end my end of this thread by simply saying Peace man and I wish you well in your ever so diligent search for the ever elusive trans morphing alcohol dependent loud belching “Beer Yeti”.
    BTW, I think they have a nest in Memphis on hwy 51 at a den called “Harpo’s”.
    I think if you catch one fully morphed you can blind side him with a cue stick but be careful as they travel in packs!


  15. Rick,

    We are baffled, as always, with your interpretation of things, but appreciate you entering into the spirit of our research.

    Please keep us posted with your findings. Seriously.

    -The Beer Yeti


  16. We are real and we live and work among you. One thousand years ago (roughly) we tried to mainstream with society. However you were not ready. I am happy to leave this msg because 80% won’t believe it is real 15% will but won’t do any thing and as for the 5% who try to do something pose as much of a threat to us as water does to a fish! 13/04/2013


  17. Who is “WE”?
    You talk like you are the “League of shadows” or something,,LOL.



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