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Werewolves or Sasquatch? NACRC Reports

December 9, 2009

NACRC Report Overwhelms Greater Cryptozoological Research Community

This is an exciting day for all of us at The Beer Yeti.

While we frequently collaborate with other similarly minded crypto-research groups on field exploration and laboratory initiatives, rare is the occasion that we are able to share these findings through our public interfacing mechanism ( for Jeff in Accounts Payable, that means “this site”).

After a series of troubling cryptid sightings sprang up in Wisconsin, we were deeply concerned that the right perspective be brought in to analyze the data. With our own field agents engaged in a top secret research assignment, there was only one clear option: NACRC.

While little known in convention-bound academic circles, the North American Cryptozoological Research Collective ( NACRC) has been dropping”mind bombs” in the greater cryptozoological research community for a long time now. Just when you think no answer can be found to explain a sighting, NACRC is on hand to deliver double barrels of insight. That certainly holds true for the Wisconsin Werewolf sightings.

– The Beer Yeti

OFFICIAL N.A.C.R.C. FIELD REPORT

We were very pleased when The Beer Yeti contacted us at the North American Cryptalzoological Research Collective (NACRC) about giving our expert analysis on a recent rash of werewolf sightings in the Wisconsin.

People are far too quick to explain away these sightings as large wolf or a bear, but it’s this very ‘only in the box’ type of thinking that has gotten us into this mess in the first place.

One of our key principles  here at NACRC  is that boxes suck. This philosophy makes moving a lot harder and Cryptozoology a lot easier.

So instead of instantly dismissing the possibility of a Werewolf, Sasquatch, or Shapeshifter, let us look at all the options and allow science and truth to prevail.

Steve Krueger who encountered one of the beasts in 2006 described it as “Big, black,hairy, having pointed ears, standing on its hind legs (Bipedal),  a snout larger than a bear’s, and between 6-7 feet tall.”

Some may claim that Steve was just on an acid trip, and had seen Dog Soldiers one too many times, but Mr. Krueger was on the job. Who would want to risk a cushy Government job by doing acid, when you can easily wait till 5 O’clock to get your fill?

Dillon Ruder who also sighted something in his back yard described it as a “Hairy monster.” Author and Journalist Linda Godfrey describes it as a “Man-wolf” her best guess is that it’s a “Super-evolved timber wolf that can stand on its hind legs (Bipedal).”

Katie Zahn describes seeing three of the creatures while hiking with some friends.  She describes them as “Not human, wolf-like creatures that knelt down by a creek and drank water out of their hands.”

So, some general characteristics that we have to go by are.
1)    LARGE (6’-7’)

2)    HAIRY
3)    BIPEDAL
4)    HAVING POINTED EARS
5)    NOT HUMAN, but possessing some Humanoid characteristics

Option # 1 Werewolf
Large, Hairy, Bipedal, Rumored to have pointed ears, Human at times and ‘Man-Wolf’ at times (shapeshifting)

Option # 2 Wolf
Can be large (possibly 6’ or 7’ when fully extended), Hairy, not Bipedal, Pointed Ears, Not Human

Option #3 Wolverine
Smaller, Hairy, Not Bipedal, Somewhat pointed Ears, Not Human

Option #4 Sasquatch
Large, Hairy Bipedal, No Pointed Ears, Not Human

Option #5 Really unkempt  person
Could be large (up to 7’), Could be really hairy, Bipedal, Possibly could have somewhat pointed ears, Human

Our analysis shows it’s quite clear that this creature is not a wolverine. Also we can rule out the wolf, due to the lack of bipedal development.  I’d also like to rule out the human, although this would fit the best within the limitations of traditional science and “in the box thinking”.

We here at NACRC  pride ourselves on comprehensive analysis of a situation, and examining all of the options and not just the ones that are generally accepted as possible.   The only two options left are the Werewolf and the Sasquatch.  The only real difference is the pointed ears, as both of these beasts posses a lot of the same physical characteristics.  I do not feel comfortable locking in either as my answer 100% with the data provided, but I will give you my theory right now. So we’ll veer off from absolute fact and venture into 95% probable fact.

Our scientific guess is that this creature is a Sasquatch. The most compelling evidence that I have for this is that there are multiple sightings of the beast. Not that there couldn’t be multiple sightings, but that there couldn’t be multiple survivors if this were a werewolf.  It is well known that werewolves are ruthless killers whose sole drive in life is the taste of human flesh. These aren’t your Twilight werewolves  that have perfectly chiseled features, and look more like an underwear model then a minister of death. They want to tear you limb from limb and they’re very good at it.

But anyway back to the NACRC theory.  I believe that a young Sasquatch cub was orphaned when his parents were killed in a brutal Yeti/Sasquatch battle. Fossils and bone remnants show these were quite common in the region up until about 150 years ago when North America’s Yeti population was forced into extinction. The orphaned cub was taken in by a pack of wolverines and raised as one of their cubs.  This is where the baby Sasquatch learned to kill, and developed a ravenous taste for animal flesh. The Sasquatch is a very reclusive beast that stays away from civilization if at all possible, but as a cub he was not instilled with these fears. So as an adult the beast is much bolder and much less wary. NACRC is ready to classify the creature as a Feral-Sasquatch.

This is a truly groundbreaking discovery. We can only hope that the flood of approbation and honor following NACRC’s discovery of a Feral Sasquatch will not turn them from their defining outside-the-box way of conducting research. NACRC will ( hopefully) be sharing this analysis with the Wisconsin media, and easing the minds of millions who wait for an explanation.

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4 comments

  1. wow, truly another mind bomb of truth here


  2. Mind bomb is right. I hope that NACRC is going to show some of the proof for the yeti-sasquatch battles. That is boggling


  3. Are we going to hear more from The Collective?


  4. Hi



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