Archive for the ‘Editorial’ Category

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2010 Needs Us…Needs Truth

May 7, 2010

Due to a large number of research expeditions scheduled early in the year, The Beer Yeti staff has been occupied with just about everything but keeping the world abreast of our work via this blog.

It looks like we have been missed. In our short absence we noticed the rapid decline of anything resembling truth being disseminated in the mainstream media, and have directed the communications staff to get back to the task of interfacing with the world.

Many thanks to all the readers who have badgered us to return. We would like to say that we’re back exclusively for you, but that would be a lie. Exploitation brought us back. The continued, horrifying objectification of the Yeti and Sasquatch for base personal gain.

You know what we’re talking about, SkyMall.

Anyway, we are back, and looking forward to presenting you with some of our more recent findings. As always, feel free to contact us with relevant stories.

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Beer Yeti Eyes Twilight Movie Success

November 30, 2009

The Beer Yeti starts work on film script

As troubling as it is to see Yeti awareness eclipsed by the movie Twilight, this phenomenon is a wake up call to the many cryptozoologists whose efforts have previously reached only the elusive “Unemployed, White Male with Interest in Dungeons & Dragons” demographic.

The masses are completely enthralled by the vapid and contrived story of forbidden love betwixt a powerful, brooding vampire, and a weak, brooding girl.

What does all this say about our society? Easy. “People love cryptids.”

Think about this. If legions of people are willing to unlimber their wallets to watch a conflicted vampire run around climbing trees and playing baseball, imagine the cinematic effect of the unrestrained physical and emotional power of the Yeti?

Before us is the opportunity to hurtle the Yeti into the social prominence his attributes and habits merit, unlike Twilight, which draws attention to the overdressed and insipid creatures intent on undermining every good and decent portrayal of a vampire since Nosferatu.

If this bad film is making bank, the possibilities for a well-done film with the same themes are endless.

The Beer Yeti has taken steps to begin production of a film series showcasing actual spontaneous romance, and a truly sinister and compelling love interest.

Obviously a Yeti would be the most sinister and compelling love interest ever. Primarily because they eternally burn with unquenchable hate, and feel no emotions akin to love for anything but their own freedom.

Consider a few key characteristics of Edward Cullen ( the vampire love interest in Twilight) as compared to the Yeti.

Edward Cullen:

  • voyeuristic wanker
  • attends high school when he doesn’t have to
  • doesn’t drive an American made car (hates freedom)
  • crippled by self-loathing, but still manages to do all that work to his hair
  • wastes post-natural physical development (football team could have used him)
  • condescending toward local Native American inhabitants (racist)
  • handsome

The Yeti:

  • Compelled only by freedom
  • Physical strength of roughly 10 to 12 Yaks
  • Unparalleled cunning
  • Perfectly attuned to natural environment
  • Equitably hates all races and cultures
  • Lacks characteristics Western Culture would consider to be physically appealing

That said, The Beer Yeti is bending all the creative power of our staff toward the development of a script for  our “Crypto-Romance” series. Read the rest of this entry ?

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High road or low: Which will Sam Raimi take?

September 30, 2009

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“Ok Yeti, say hello to the 21st Century!”

The announcement that director Sam Raimi ( “Army of Darkness,” “Spiderman”) will be producing the Yeti-centric film “Refuge,” caused quite a stir around The Beer Yeti research compound. Some of our crypto-liberation researchers have welcomed the news, others ( namely Rick in accounting) remain deeply skeptical that the producer will give the legendary beast its due respect.

According to Reuters, the film “centers on a remote town terrorized by a Yeti, the mythological creature native to the mountains of the Himalayas.”

Aside from  sloppy reporting by Reuters ( “mythological”), this sounds like a film our organization-nay the entire crypto-liberation movement- could rall behind.

We realize that the previous sentence could be disconcerting to some of our  co-activists in the fight against cryptid exploitation. How could the staunchest defender of Yeti dignity stoop to endorse silver screen objectification? Read the rest of this entry ?

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Obama’s Failure to Appoint Cryptozoology Czar is Raising Questions

August 14, 2009

GET US-ELECTIONS-DEBATE-DEMOCRATS

Month after month has passed, person after person has been appointed to posts in President Obama’s administration, yet one glaring omission is causing wildfire-like speculation at the highest levels of governments around the globe.

Inside sources tell The Beer Yeti that President Obama has yet to appoint a Cryptozoology Czar.

The ramifications of this oversight are stunning. Says one anonymous scientist,

” The cryptozoology research community is dumbfounded. Does the current administration have any intentions of facilitating a collaborative research effort? It doesn’t seem like it. Honestly, people are scared.”

Even our veteran pollsters and data analysts were thrown off.  Up to this point, we assumed that the hubbub over massive healthcare shifts was  simply a distraction drummed up to buy Obama time to make a more thorough search for an appropriate figurehead for the United State’s cryptozoological research efforts.

We continue to hold out in hopes that President Obama has simply not found someone with the extensive qualifications and experience that holding such a vital office would require. All the same, speed is of the essence in meeting the lofty expectations of the nation and the world.

A substantive, policy-based position like Secretary of Cryptozoological Research and Cryptid Freedom Facilitation is one that the United States cannot afford to have empty for long.

What will President Obama do? We intend to keep our readers updated with the same information we receive.

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The Beer Yeti Confronts Czech Car Manufacturer Over Controversial Marketing Campaign

August 11, 2009

skoda yeti

Exploitation: “The utilization of another person or group for selfish purposes”

If you are deeply offended the picture above, you should be. In fact, it was hotly debated at our staff meeting this morning whether we should even allow this photo to be released on our organizational blog.

After many tears were shed, we came to the conclusion that we are-after all- a research organization primary focused on cryptid protection and liberation, and to let this horror slip by unrefuted would be shrinking back from everything we have fought so long for.

Skoda Auto, a Czech vehicle manufacturer, recently introduced a new compact SUV styled the “Yeti.”

What a chance for Skoda! In their hands was the opportunity to christen a vehicle after a beast unrivaled in strength, cunning and ferocity.Instead, this company chose to go down the sad road of exploitation. Below is the letter which our organization will shortly be sending to Skoda’s Board of Directors. Read the rest of this entry ?

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North Korea Steps forward as Unlikely Supporter of Post-Credential Educational Approach

August 6, 2009

Video provided to The Beer Yeti demonstrating North Korean post-substantive, socio-political leadership schema

It is safe to say that our staff is reeling from the enthusiasm and support shown by the many people who have embraced the paradigm shifting potential of The Beer Yeti’s “post-credential” educational model. Our demand for liberation focused, cryptozoology curricula to be included at university level instruction was hardly posted when the messages of praise and solidarity started coming in. Certainly the support from some quarters has been unexpected ( to say the least), but our top organizational directors are firmly committed to subjecting personal political philosophies for the advancement of freedom for the Yeti, Sasquatch, and their lesser known relations.

North Korea has been especially enthusiastic in their embracing of an educational approach that espouses non-diagnostic, non-normative, benchmark-free assessment. From our  in-depth research via Wikipedia, it seems that this peninsular pariah has been blazing trails in that department for quite some time. Obviously their “research” is still shackled to more western, post-enlightenment conventions than The Beer Yeti would ever make use of in our organizational research, but the country’s consistent refusal of empirically-based decision making is impressive. While the legal implications of supplying their national university system with Cryptozoological Science curricula are something that our legal department must ponder, we are none the less flattered that our little announcement has made such impressive headway.

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The Beer Yeti moves the Korean Peninsula outside the box

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“Destination: Dumb Luck”

January 16, 2009

Some people just luck out. Totally apart from their talents, merits, or qualifications, good things just happen to them. In other cases, these bearers of inexplicable good fortune manage to avoid terrible things that all reason dictates should happen to them. What can make this phenomenon particularly confusing, is when one of these types is on cable television practically begging to be savaged by an affronted Yeti.

For a while now, the Sci-Fi Channel has been cashing in on the running streak of dumb luck experienced by Josh Gates, host of the show  “Destination Truth.” According to the show’s website-

Every week, Josh Gates — a world adventurer and eager truth-seeker — and his small crew of production buddies visit a different international destination alleged to be the home of a notorious, supernatural or mysterious creature…”

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Sound intense? You know it is; this guy has the shades, stubble, and open shirt collar to prove it. It’s so intense that the chick with the bangs next to him is going to keep that camera rolling come hell or high water. Even a staged publicity shot won’t interrupt her quest for truth. Read the rest of this entry ?