Archive for the ‘Scientific Exploration’ Category

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Virginians Uncover Sasquatch Feces

December 10, 2009

Now available for lectures

A group of Sasquatch seekers in Virginia is blazing new trails in cryptozoological inquiry.

According to Billy Willard, founder of Sasquatch Watch of Virginia, a team of Sasquatch seekers recently came across samples of “suspicious feces” while scouring the West Virginian wilderness for Bigfoot.

Willard told West Virginian Public Broadcasting that while they found “suspicious feces,” and made casts of footprints, they did not actually spot the elusive biped.

“Typically we go out and visit sites where there’s been previous sighting reports,” Willard said. “We do get encounters called in to a hot line that we have, and we go out and we’ll research those areas looking for evidence such as footprints, strange stick tree structures and that kind of thing.”

Mr. Willard went on to state that though he has never personally beheld a Sasquatch, he firmly believes they exist.

I could accept that this thing is human, whether it’s an undiscovered Native American tribe of people, I could accept that this is some kind of North American ape that just simply hasn’t been documented yet,” he said. “Those are the two main theories.”

Our Field Operations Planning Committee (FOPC) is abuzz with how to assimilate Mr. Willard’s statements into their own excursions afield. Specifically, how does one go about identifying and categorizing “suspicious feces”?

This pretty much dominated our staff meeting this morning, as various employees on FOPC wanted to know what characteristics of fecal material found in the woods qualify it as “suspicious,” and if they get a bonus for having to collect samples.

Unfortunately, Sasquatch Watch of Virginia has been lax in posting their “Suspicious Feces Identification Standards” on the organizational website, so this debate will most likely be ongoing.

Unlike other recently addressed Bigfoot research groups, we feel that Mr. Willard has an open mind, and is most likely not a shape-shifter.

Much more time and research will have to be dedicated to investigating one of the “two main theories,” namely that Sasquatch is an undiscovered Native American tribe roaming around West Virginia. Tribal elders of First Nations traditionally residing in West Virginia will need to be extensively interviewed before The Beer Yeti can officially comment on this postulation.

Should the Sasquatch be tax exempt? This is just one of the ramifications of Mr. Willard’s theory.

More on that to come shortly.

If you have encountered a Sasquatch, or come across “suspicious feces,” we encourage you to reward the hard work of the good folks at SWV by letting them know via this hotline: (703) 445-4287

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Werewolves or Sasquatch? NACRC Reports

December 9, 2009

NACRC Report Overwhelms Greater Cryptozoological Research Community

This is an exciting day for all of us at The Beer Yeti.

While we frequently collaborate with other similarly minded crypto-research groups on field exploration and laboratory initiatives, rare is the occasion that we are able to share these findings through our public interfacing mechanism ( for Jeff in Accounts Payable, that means “this site”).

After a series of troubling cryptid sightings sprang up in Wisconsin, we were deeply concerned that the right perspective be brought in to analyze the data. With our own field agents engaged in a top secret research assignment, there was only one clear option: NACRC.

While little known in convention-bound academic circles, the North American Cryptozoological Research Collective ( NACRC) has been dropping”mind bombs” in the greater cryptozoological research community for a long time now. Just when you think no answer can be found to explain a sighting, NACRC is on hand to deliver double barrels of insight. That certainly holds true for the Wisconsin Werewolf sightings.

– The Beer Yeti

OFFICIAL N.A.C.R.C. FIELD REPORT

We were very pleased when The Beer Yeti contacted us at the North American Cryptalzoological Research Collective (NACRC) about giving our expert analysis on a recent rash of werewolf sightings in the Wisconsin.

People are far too quick to explain away these sightings as large wolf or a bear, but it’s this very ‘only in the box’ type of thinking that has gotten us into this mess in the first place.

One of our key principles  here at NACRC  is that boxes suck. This philosophy makes moving a lot harder and Cryptozoology a lot easier.

So instead of instantly dismissing the possibility of a Werewolf, Sasquatch, or Shapeshifter, let us look at all the options and allow science and truth to prevail.

Steve Krueger who encountered one of the beasts in 2006 described it as “Big, black,hairy, having pointed ears, standing on its hind legs (Bipedal),  a snout larger than a bear’s, and between 6-7 feet tall.”

Some may claim that Steve was just on an acid trip, and had seen Dog Soldiers one too many times, but Mr. Krueger was on the job. Who would want to risk a cushy Government job by doing acid, when you can easily wait till 5 O’clock to get your fill?

Dillon Ruder who also sighted something in his back yard described it as a “Hairy monster.” Author and Journalist Linda Godfrey describes it as a “Man-wolf” her best guess is that it’s a “Super-evolved timber wolf that can stand on its hind legs (Bipedal).”

Katie Zahn describes seeing three of the creatures while hiking with some friends.  She describes them as “Not human, wolf-like creatures that knelt down by a creek and drank water out of their hands.”

So, some general characteristics that we have to go by are.
1)    LARGE (6’-7’)

2)    HAIRY
3)    BIPEDAL
4)    HAVING POINTED EARS
5)    NOT HUMAN, but possessing some Humanoid characteristics

Read the rest of this entry ?

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Siberian UFO Base May Reveal Yeti Intergalactic Connection

September 21, 2009

TibetanScroll

When The Beer Yeti first proposed the revolutionary theory of Yeti/Extraterrestrial interaction, skeptics came out of the woodwork to belittle the notion. Now, the naysayers can ask themselves this question: “Do I want Cool Whip when I have to eat a big, fat piece of Humble Pie?”

Extremely credible research has emerged suggesting that conclusive evidence of our theory is shortly to be revealed. According to this world-renowned news site, a UFO researcher in Russia intends to explore what he believes is the extra terrestrial equivalent of a truck stop-

“Recently, a series of domed underground bases have been discovered on the banks of the Vilyuy River. These are believed by many researchers to be UFO bases used by visiting extra terrestrials. There are said to be vast structures and many rooms beneath these domes. These domes are believed to have been used by UFO travelers for thousands of years.”

UFO travelers? Underground bases? Finally some substantive contributions from the media! Read the rest of this entry ?

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Economic Implications of Polish Yeti Sighting

September 2, 2009

Yeti sightings are a good thing ( if you live through it), and are generally greeted with enthusiasm by researchers at The Beer Yeti. Of late, disconcerting events in Poland have cast a pall of gloom over our entire compound.

According to Justyna Folger, a self described “19 year old Polish woman”, a skulking Yeti spent  minutes leering at her as she splashed around in a bikini. Whilst said Yeti skulked and leered, her boyfriend caught the beast in a grainy video, which has since had over 200,000 hits on YouTube.

This alleged Yeti behavior has raised serious problems for the crypto-research community, and a mad race has begun in labs across the globe to put meaning to the interaction. Save yourselves the trouble and expense, people. The Beer Yeti has weighed this case, and found it wanting.

What should be obvious to even the most neophyte cryptozoologist is that this breaks the pattern of typical Yeti “sightings,” as it involves Poland, and a bikini ( do they even have those in the Himalayas?). What is sadly typical is the coarse manner in which the drive-by media has embraced the most juvenile possibilities of the sighting.

The Yeti is majestic and aloof, not to be treated like a cameo character on Family Guy.

The Yeti has never displayed anything but a desire to avoid any and all contact with humanity. When avoidance has been impossible, human intruders have felt the devastating wrath of Yeti Justice. Science has spoken conclusively on this, and the fact that we have to reiterate this basic scientific fact shows the sad under-education of this generation. Had this woman happened upon a Yeti, neither she nor her voyeur boyfriend would have survived to report on it. Of course this would never happen in the first place. You don’t “happen” on a Yeti. A Yeti happens to you, and only once. The hasty attribution of human foible  like lust and loneliness to a beast that has never demonstrated either, and is scientifically incapable of them, shows that something is very, very wrong with the scenario presented by the Polish sunbathers. One “news” source in the U.K. went so far as to report the incident as “Bikini girl: pervert yeti stalked me.” Even now ‘The Beer Yeti Legal Advisory Council for the Defense and Liberation of Cryptids’ ( ‘TBYLACDLC’ on our business cards) is drawing up the paperwork to pursue legal action against these libelous allegations. Read the rest of this entry ?

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The Implications of Vocalizations: Bigfoot Discovery Project weighs in

July 28, 2009

[blip.tv ?posts_id=2426634&dest=-1]

Why does Bigfoot scream?

This is a question that has troubled researchers, and confounded the scientific world for decades ( if not centuries). Very probably, science and technology has simply not advanced to a level whereby this question of the ages can be answered. Equally probable, is that a sound answer regarding the Sasquatch’s primal vocalizations would be more terrible and disconcerting than most people are willing to cope with. Could these calls be communications with his bipedal brethren? An attempt to push down its own yearning for solitude and speak to the trespassers in his domains?

The world does not know. Well, technically, “most” of the world doesn’t know. One cryptid researcher has refused to allow the limitations of traditional scientific documentation and observation to confine his probing into Sasquatch behaviors.

Michael Rugg, co-founder of the Bigfoot Discovery Project, has committed himself to the truth at all costs. By all costs, we mean ” at the cost of conventional western science.”  This from the BDP website-

“The BDP accepts the subject of the Patterson/Gimlin Film as the type specimen for the Pacific Coast Bigfoot or Sasquatch and seeks to create a dialogue about the implications of the impending “discovery of Bigfoot” by conventional Western science.

The Beer Yeti only hopes that conventionally eastern science has been more holistically embraced by Mr. Rugg. In the video below, Mr. Rugg elaborates on his findings on Sasquatch vocalizations, free from the restrictions of charts, first-hand experience and documented facts.

This isn’t science. It’s better than science.

Mr. Rugg’s Post-scientific, post categorical, pan-disciplinary, multi-dimensional, meta-research is the nation’s ( nay, the world’s) only hope of getting answers to these questions that plague us. Thank you Mr. Rugg, for all you are doing.

We are grateful for his dedication to the truth of the Sasquatch’s existence, and only hope that he will lend his wisdom and experience to protecting their freedom, and never infringing upon it.


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UFO Pilots Sacrifice Themselves To Save Yeti from Inter-Galactic Feud

May 28, 2009

0_61_tunguska_kulik

In a meteoric rise to the height of scientific credibility and acumen, Dr. Yuri Labvin, president of the Tunguska Spatial Phenomenon Foundation, has revealed the most shocking revelation since the Shape-shifting Were- Squatch.

In 1908, high above the Siberian wilderness, an extra terrestrial spacecraft heroically interposed itself between earth and a meteor hell bent on the destruction of the Yeti.

Known to most scientists as the “Tunguska Event,” the resulting conflagration devastated a massive land area, but killed no humans due to the extreme wildness of the region.

Needless to say The Beer Yeti has put the bloodhound nose of our scientific inquiry staff onto the case, and taken the work of the good Dr. Labvin to its next logical, and scientific, conclusion. Read the rest of this entry ?

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Japanese Researchers Narrowly Escape Yeti

October 20, 2008

It appears a team of Japanese researchers in Nepal managed to stumble across the trail of a Himalayan Yeti. That shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone with a basic grasp of Himalayan fauna. After all, what do we all know lives in the Himalayas?

The malevolent and unbelievably crafty Yeti.

This team found a Yeti footprint because the Yeti wanted them to.

Any expert will tell you that even though the Yeti does burn with the fires of unquenchable malice, he can occasionally feel a condescending respect towards those that respect him. Apparently he took the efforts of the Japanese team as a sort of tribute, and chose not to destroy them ( for the time being).

That footprint was both a reward and a warning.

The weight of scientific research in this area would indicate that, without a shadow of a doubt, the Yeti was waiting in ambush just meters from where the team found the print. Had they continued on the same path, the group would have certainly found increasingly fresh tracks leading to the mouth of a cave.

Unable to restrain themselves, the team would have crept into the cave, hope of a clear picture of the Yeti blinding them to imminent doom. Feverish with anticipation, the pounding of their own hearts  would have been louder than the faint rumbling above them. The empty recesses of the cave would amplify the increasingly thunderous sound, and the team would slowly begin to realize the magnitude of their folly.

Before they could escape, the Yeti-induced avalanche would reach the mouth of the cave, drowning out their pleas for life with the furious roar of a million tons of snow and rock.

Let’s hope that this team will be moved by the reclusive creature’s recognition of their dedication, and heed  his clear prohibition against further pursuit.