Posts Tagged ‘Barack Obama’

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President Obama: Yeti Emissary?

December 8, 2009

In a recent diplomatic visit to the White House by Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, President Obama was invited to reciprocate with a visit to India.

On the surface this would appear to be a follow-up on the two leaders’ chat at the G-8+G-5 Summit, but political analysts at The Beer Yeti sense a more urgent issue inspiring the visit.

“There can be little doubt that the Yeti will be at the heart of any trips President Obama takes to India,” says the charming and handsome Beer Yeti Political Director (anonymity protected by The Beer Yeti’s non-disclosure policies).  “Pressure has been swelling in the greater cryptozoological research community to see these two nations unite in an effort to protect Yeti habitats, and also protect rural villagers from increasingly frequent Yeti attacks. It comes as a huge relief to our organization to see the President lending his credibility and influence to this great issue of our time.”

Some insiders will undoubtedly wonder how The Beer Yeti views the president’s short track record on cryptozoological outreach.

It is no easy task to consolidate all our concerns and compliments into one short statement on this site, but that is why we pay-and tolerate- a handsome and charming Beer Yeti Political Director.

“We try to be understanding in our presidential assessments. During President Obama’s campaign, we were deeply moved by the many tacit promises he made to further cryptozoological research and exploration. Few of these understood obligations have been made good since his election, but we look forward to him changing that with a trip to India. This could be just the boost in the polls his administration is looking for.”

As the universe’s foremost authority on the Yeti, it would seem to be necessary for the President to engage The Beer Yeti’s services in negotiating and administrating over any cryptid-focused government contracts that would result from such a trip. Our board unanimously agreed this morning that only our veteran staff would be fully capable of handling the intricacies of the international partnership.

Naturally, significant stimulus funds would be required to facilitate with the delicacy the situation requires.

We look forward to communicating to our readers the President’s official acknowledgment of the Yeti as the primary function of his announced trip the day it is announced.

Below is a rare photo of The Beer Yeti political director on expedition in Tibet. He is not allowed to wear the pith helmet around the office, so he overcompensates on research excursions.



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Obama’s Failure to Appoint Cryptozoology Czar is Raising Questions

August 14, 2009

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Month after month has passed, person after person has been appointed to posts in President Obama’s administration, yet one glaring omission is causing wildfire-like speculation at the highest levels of governments around the globe.

Inside sources tell The Beer Yeti that President Obama has yet to appoint a Cryptozoology Czar.

The ramifications of this oversight are stunning. Says one anonymous scientist,

” The cryptozoology research community is dumbfounded. Does the current administration have any intentions of facilitating a collaborative research effort? It doesn’t seem like it. Honestly, people are scared.”

Even our veteran pollsters and data analysts were thrown off.  Up to this point, we assumed that the hubbub over massive healthcare shifts was  simply a distraction drummed up to buy Obama time to make a more thorough search for an appropriate figurehead for the United State’s cryptozoological research efforts.

We continue to hold out in hopes that President Obama has simply not found someone with the extensive qualifications and experience that holding such a vital office would require. All the same, speed is of the essence in meeting the lofty expectations of the nation and the world.

A substantive, policy-based position like Secretary of Cryptozoological Research and Cryptid Freedom Facilitation is one that the United States cannot afford to have empty for long.

What will President Obama do? We intend to keep our readers updated with the same information we receive.