Posts Tagged ‘Bigfoot’

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Virginians Uncover Sasquatch Feces

December 10, 2009

Now available for lectures

A group of Sasquatch seekers in Virginia is blazing new trails in cryptozoological inquiry.

According to Billy Willard, founder of Sasquatch Watch of Virginia, a team of Sasquatch seekers recently came across samples of “suspicious feces” while scouring the West Virginian wilderness for Bigfoot.

Willard told West Virginian Public Broadcasting that while they found “suspicious feces,” and made casts of footprints, they did not actually spot the elusive biped.

“Typically we go out and visit sites where there’s been previous sighting reports,” Willard said. “We do get encounters called in to a hot line that we have, and we go out and we’ll research those areas looking for evidence such as footprints, strange stick tree structures and that kind of thing.”

Mr. Willard went on to state that though he has never personally beheld a Sasquatch, he firmly believes they exist.

I could accept that this thing is human, whether it’s an undiscovered Native American tribe of people, I could accept that this is some kind of North American ape that just simply hasn’t been documented yet,” he said. “Those are the two main theories.”

Our Field Operations Planning Committee (FOPC) is abuzz with how to assimilate Mr. Willard’s statements into their own excursions afield. Specifically, how does one go about identifying and categorizing “suspicious feces”?

This pretty much dominated our staff meeting this morning, as various employees on FOPC wanted to know what characteristics of fecal material found in the woods qualify it as “suspicious,” and if they get a bonus for having to collect samples.

Unfortunately, Sasquatch Watch of Virginia has been lax in posting their “Suspicious Feces Identification Standards” on the organizational website, so this debate will most likely be ongoing.

Unlike other recently addressed Bigfoot research groups, we feel that Mr. Willard has an open mind, and is most likely not a shape-shifter.

Much more time and research will have to be dedicated to investigating one of the “two main theories,” namely that Sasquatch is an undiscovered Native American tribe roaming around West Virginia. Tribal elders of First Nations traditionally residing in West Virginia will need to be extensively interviewed before The Beer Yeti can officially comment on this postulation.

Should the Sasquatch be tax exempt? This is just one of the ramifications of Mr. Willard’s theory.

More on that to come shortly.

If you have encountered a Sasquatch, or come across “suspicious feces,” we encourage you to reward the hard work of the good folks at SWV by letting them know via this hotline: (703) 445-4287

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Sasquatch Sighting and Media Cover-up

December 3, 2009

Gulf Coast Bigfoot Research Organization infiltrated by shape-shifting Were Squatch

San Antonio law enforcement have been saddled with the unenviable task of trying to track down a “large, hairy creature” that was seen dragging a deer carcass into the woods.

After local authorities completed a predictably futile search,  a member of the Gulf Coast Bigfoot Research Organization (GCBRO) – came in to assess the situation. This cryptozoologist uncovered  non-human footprints, and there ended the media analysis. Local news stations report that GCBRO was aware of a number of sightings having been reported in the area over the last couple of years.

As a rule, we like localized Bigfoot Research Organizations of all shapes and sizes. Without the benefits of the facilities, equipment, experience, staff expertise, martial arts training and personal charm that The Beer Yeti enjoys, these local groups put themselves in the field – and in the line of Bigfoot attack –  to search out the elusive Sasquatch.

After completing a rigorous analysis of the case details, The Beer Yeti is ready to make some empirically grounded claims about the San Antonio Sasquatch.

Similar to the famous incident of the “Shape-shifting Mormon Were-Squatch” of British Columbia, we are dealing with a crafty beast, desperate to maintain freedom at all costs.

As many of you guessed right off, a Shape-shifter is the perpetrator of the sighting, and subsequent cover-up. Read the rest of this entry ?

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Beer Yeti’s Post-Credential Education Initiative Flooded With Praise

August 5, 2009

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The Beer Yeti’s Post-Credential Educational Model casts a large shadow over convention-bound academia

Every day, thousands of schools, corporations, and charitable fill news wires with announcements and news releases.

Some stories get more “legs” than others, and The Beer Yeti is pleased to announce that our own humble appeal for inclusion has been such a story.

Last week The Beer Yeti’s team of distinguished crypto-liberation scientists announced their intent to establish a new curriculum by which everyday citizens could gain access to higher education in the “post-empirical” field of hidden animal studies.

Unveiling the primarily experiential, crypto-freedom educational-perspective-facilitation “system” was just one step forward in a decades-long journey toward our pan-disciplinary vision: a “post-credential” academic model of university instruction.

An elite cadre of Beer Yeti fellows, adjunct scholars, and high-level advisors laid out their plan for an assessment model that is strictly non-normative, non-diagnostic and liberated from the crippling benchmark standards that have come to define so-called traditional western academic instruction.

They frankly predicted that powerful public figures from (archaic) classroom-styled colleges and universities would respond with a reactionary mixture of disdain and anger.

What our researchers failed to account for was the groundswell of heartfelt support from other liked-minded truth seekers who pursue similar –even complementary– paths toward pan-disciplinary, post-content meta-science.
Experts from The Beer Yeti, long acknowledged to be preeminent in their understanding of Yeti, Sasquatch, and their lesser known relations, have been deeply moved by all the pledges of support, and offers of assistance in the development and administration of the new degree program. As we have previously stated, our proposed curriculum would contribute toward a degree equivalent. Limiting the instructional quality and experiential wisdom to a contrived definition like “degree” would do us all a disservice.

Activists have come out of some very unexpected woodwork, without invitation or prodding, to communicate support and encouragement for The Beer Yeti’s blazing a new trail in academia. Among the most wildly enthusiastic have been post-Reichian Orgone theorists, neo-quantum Odic force botanists, applied Phrenologists, and Sheldrake inspired Morphic Field researchers. Color us impressed! Read the rest of this entry ?

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The Implications of Vocalizations: Bigfoot Discovery Project weighs in

July 28, 2009

[blip.tv ?posts_id=2426634&dest=-1]

Why does Bigfoot scream?

This is a question that has troubled researchers, and confounded the scientific world for decades ( if not centuries). Very probably, science and technology has simply not advanced to a level whereby this question of the ages can be answered. Equally probable, is that a sound answer regarding the Sasquatch’s primal vocalizations would be more terrible and disconcerting than most people are willing to cope with. Could these calls be communications with his bipedal brethren? An attempt to push down its own yearning for solitude and speak to the trespassers in his domains?

The world does not know. Well, technically, “most” of the world doesn’t know. One cryptid researcher has refused to allow the limitations of traditional scientific documentation and observation to confine his probing into Sasquatch behaviors.

Michael Rugg, co-founder of the Bigfoot Discovery Project, has committed himself to the truth at all costs. By all costs, we mean ” at the cost of conventional western science.”  This from the BDP website-

“The BDP accepts the subject of the Patterson/Gimlin Film as the type specimen for the Pacific Coast Bigfoot or Sasquatch and seeks to create a dialogue about the implications of the impending “discovery of Bigfoot” by conventional Western science.

The Beer Yeti only hopes that conventionally eastern science has been more holistically embraced by Mr. Rugg. In the video below, Mr. Rugg elaborates on his findings on Sasquatch vocalizations, free from the restrictions of charts, first-hand experience and documented facts.

This isn’t science. It’s better than science.

Mr. Rugg’s Post-scientific, post categorical, pan-disciplinary, multi-dimensional, meta-research is the nation’s ( nay, the world’s) only hope of getting answers to these questions that plague us. Thank you Mr. Rugg, for all you are doing.

We are grateful for his dedication to the truth of the Sasquatch’s existence, and only hope that he will lend his wisdom and experience to protecting their freedom, and never infringing upon it.