Posts Tagged ‘cryptid’

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Siberian UFO Base May Reveal Yeti Intergalactic Connection

September 21, 2009

TibetanScroll

When The Beer Yeti first proposed the revolutionary theory of Yeti/Extraterrestrial interaction, skeptics came out of the woodwork to belittle the notion. Now, the naysayers can ask themselves this question: “Do I want Cool Whip when I have to eat a big, fat piece of Humble Pie?”

Extremely credible research has emerged suggesting that conclusive evidence of our theory is shortly to be revealed. According to this world-renowned news site, a UFO researcher in Russia intends to explore what he believes is the extra terrestrial equivalent of a truck stop-

“Recently, a series of domed underground bases have been discovered on the banks of the Vilyuy River. These are believed by many researchers to be UFO bases used by visiting extra terrestrials. There are said to be vast structures and many rooms beneath these domes. These domes are believed to have been used by UFO travelers for thousands of years.”

UFO travelers? Underground bases? Finally some substantive contributions from the media! Read the rest of this entry ?

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Economic Implications of Polish Yeti Sighting

September 2, 2009

Yeti sightings are a good thing ( if you live through it), and are generally greeted with enthusiasm by researchers at The Beer Yeti. Of late, disconcerting events in Poland have cast a pall of gloom over our entire compound.

According to Justyna Folger, a self described “19 year old Polish woman”, a skulking Yeti spent  minutes leering at her as she splashed around in a bikini. Whilst said Yeti skulked and leered, her boyfriend caught the beast in a grainy video, which has since had over 200,000 hits on YouTube.

This alleged Yeti behavior has raised serious problems for the crypto-research community, and a mad race has begun in labs across the globe to put meaning to the interaction. Save yourselves the trouble and expense, people. The Beer Yeti has weighed this case, and found it wanting.

What should be obvious to even the most neophyte cryptozoologist is that this breaks the pattern of typical Yeti “sightings,” as it involves Poland, and a bikini ( do they even have those in the Himalayas?). What is sadly typical is the coarse manner in which the drive-by media has embraced the most juvenile possibilities of the sighting.

The Yeti is majestic and aloof, not to be treated like a cameo character on Family Guy.

The Yeti has never displayed anything but a desire to avoid any and all contact with humanity. When avoidance has been impossible, human intruders have felt the devastating wrath of Yeti Justice. Science has spoken conclusively on this, and the fact that we have to reiterate this basic scientific fact shows the sad under-education of this generation. Had this woman happened upon a Yeti, neither she nor her voyeur boyfriend would have survived to report on it. Of course this would never happen in the first place. You don’t “happen” on a Yeti. A Yeti happens to you, and only once. The hasty attribution of human foible  like lust and loneliness to a beast that has never demonstrated either, and is scientifically incapable of them, shows that something is very, very wrong with the scenario presented by the Polish sunbathers. One “news” source in the U.K. went so far as to report the incident as “Bikini girl: pervert yeti stalked me.” Even now ‘The Beer Yeti Legal Advisory Council for the Defense and Liberation of Cryptids’ ( ‘TBYLACDLC’ on our business cards) is drawing up the paperwork to pursue legal action against these libelous allegations. Read the rest of this entry ?

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The Beer Yeti Confronts Czech Car Manufacturer Over Controversial Marketing Campaign

August 11, 2009

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Exploitation: “The utilization of another person or group for selfish purposes”

If you are deeply offended the picture above, you should be. In fact, it was hotly debated at our staff meeting this morning whether we should even allow this photo to be released on our organizational blog.

After many tears were shed, we came to the conclusion that we are-after all- a research organization primary focused on cryptid protection and liberation, and to let this horror slip by unrefuted would be shrinking back from everything we have fought so long for.

Skoda Auto, a Czech vehicle manufacturer, recently introduced a new compact SUV styled the “Yeti.”

What a chance for Skoda! In their hands was the opportunity to christen a vehicle after a beast unrivaled in strength, cunning and ferocity.Instead, this company chose to go down the sad road of exploitation. Below is the letter which our organization will shortly be sending to Skoda’s Board of Directors. Read the rest of this entry ?

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UFO Pilots Sacrifice Themselves To Save Yeti from Inter-Galactic Feud

May 28, 2009

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In a meteoric rise to the height of scientific credibility and acumen, Dr. Yuri Labvin, president of the Tunguska Spatial Phenomenon Foundation, has revealed the most shocking revelation since the Shape-shifting Were- Squatch.

In 1908, high above the Siberian wilderness, an extra terrestrial spacecraft heroically interposed itself between earth and a meteor hell bent on the destruction of the Yeti.

Known to most scientists as the “Tunguska Event,” the resulting conflagration devastated a massive land area, but killed no humans due to the extreme wildness of the region.

Needless to say The Beer Yeti has put the bloodhound nose of our scientific inquiry staff onto the case, and taken the work of the good Dr. Labvin to its next logical, and scientific, conclusion. Read the rest of this entry ?

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“Destination: Dumb Luck”

January 16, 2009

Some people just luck out. Totally apart from their talents, merits, or qualifications, good things just happen to them. In other cases, these bearers of inexplicable good fortune manage to avoid terrible things that all reason dictates should happen to them. What can make this phenomenon particularly confusing, is when one of these types is on cable television practically begging to be savaged by an affronted Yeti.

For a while now, the Sci-Fi Channel has been cashing in on the running streak of dumb luck experienced by Josh Gates, host of the show  “Destination Truth.” According to the show’s website-

Every week, Josh Gates — a world adventurer and eager truth-seeker — and his small crew of production buddies visit a different international destination alleged to be the home of a notorious, supernatural or mysterious creature…”

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Sound intense? You know it is; this guy has the shades, stubble, and open shirt collar to prove it. It’s so intense that the chick with the bangs next to him is going to keep that camera rolling come hell or high water. Even a staged publicity shot won’t interrupt her quest for truth. Read the rest of this entry ?