Posts Tagged ‘Science’

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Werewolves or Sasquatch? NACRC Reports

December 9, 2009

NACRC Report Overwhelms Greater Cryptozoological Research Community

This is an exciting day for all of us at The Beer Yeti.

While we frequently collaborate with other similarly minded crypto-research groups on field exploration and laboratory initiatives, rare is the occasion that we are able to share these findings through our public interfacing mechanism ( for Jeff in Accounts Payable, that means “this site”).

After a series of troubling cryptid sightings sprang up in Wisconsin, we were deeply concerned that the right perspective be brought in to analyze the data. With our own field agents engaged in a top secret research assignment, there was only one clear option: NACRC.

While little known in convention-bound academic circles, the North American Cryptozoological Research Collective ( NACRC) has been dropping”mind bombs” in the greater cryptozoological research community for a long time now. Just when you think no answer can be found to explain a sighting, NACRC is on hand to deliver double barrels of insight. That certainly holds true for the Wisconsin Werewolf sightings.

– The Beer Yeti

OFFICIAL N.A.C.R.C. FIELD REPORT

We were very pleased when The Beer Yeti contacted us at the North American Cryptalzoological Research Collective (NACRC) about giving our expert analysis on a recent rash of werewolf sightings in the Wisconsin.

People are far too quick to explain away these sightings as large wolf or a bear, but it’s this very ‘only in the box’ type of thinking that has gotten us into this mess in the first place.

One of our key principles  here at NACRC  is that boxes suck. This philosophy makes moving a lot harder and Cryptozoology a lot easier.

So instead of instantly dismissing the possibility of a Werewolf, Sasquatch, or Shapeshifter, let us look at all the options and allow science and truth to prevail.

Steve Krueger who encountered one of the beasts in 2006 described it as “Big, black,hairy, having pointed ears, standing on its hind legs (Bipedal),  a snout larger than a bear’s, and between 6-7 feet tall.”

Some may claim that Steve was just on an acid trip, and had seen Dog Soldiers one too many times, but Mr. Krueger was on the job. Who would want to risk a cushy Government job by doing acid, when you can easily wait till 5 O’clock to get your fill?

Dillon Ruder who also sighted something in his back yard described it as a “Hairy monster.” Author and Journalist Linda Godfrey describes it as a “Man-wolf” her best guess is that it’s a “Super-evolved timber wolf that can stand on its hind legs (Bipedal).”

Katie Zahn describes seeing three of the creatures while hiking with some friends.  She describes them as “Not human, wolf-like creatures that knelt down by a creek and drank water out of their hands.”

So, some general characteristics that we have to go by are.
1)    LARGE (6’-7’)

2)    HAIRY
3)    BIPEDAL
4)    HAVING POINTED EARS
5)    NOT HUMAN, but possessing some Humanoid characteristics

Read the rest of this entry ?

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North Korea Steps forward as Unlikely Supporter of Post-Credential Educational Approach

August 6, 2009

Video provided to The Beer Yeti demonstrating North Korean post-substantive, socio-political leadership schema

It is safe to say that our staff is reeling from the enthusiasm and support shown by the many people who have embraced the paradigm shifting potential of The Beer Yeti’s “post-credential” educational model. Our demand for liberation focused, cryptozoology curricula to be included at university level instruction was hardly posted when the messages of praise and solidarity started coming in. Certainly the support from some quarters has been unexpected ( to say the least), but our top organizational directors are firmly committed to subjecting personal political philosophies for the advancement of freedom for the Yeti, Sasquatch, and their lesser known relations.

North Korea has been especially enthusiastic in their embracing of an educational approach that espouses non-diagnostic, non-normative, benchmark-free assessment. From our  in-depth research via Wikipedia, it seems that this peninsular pariah has been blazing trails in that department for quite some time. Obviously their “research” is still shackled to more western, post-enlightenment conventions than The Beer Yeti would ever make use of in our organizational research, but the country’s consistent refusal of empirically-based decision making is impressive. While the legal implications of supplying their national university system with Cryptozoological Science curricula are something that our legal department must ponder, we are none the less flattered that our little announcement has made such impressive headway.

conventionalyeti

The Beer Yeti moves the Korean Peninsula outside the box

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The Implications of Vocalizations: Bigfoot Discovery Project weighs in

July 28, 2009

[blip.tv ?posts_id=2426634&dest=-1]

Why does Bigfoot scream?

This is a question that has troubled researchers, and confounded the scientific world for decades ( if not centuries). Very probably, science and technology has simply not advanced to a level whereby this question of the ages can be answered. Equally probable, is that a sound answer regarding the Sasquatch’s primal vocalizations would be more terrible and disconcerting than most people are willing to cope with. Could these calls be communications with his bipedal brethren? An attempt to push down its own yearning for solitude and speak to the trespassers in his domains?

The world does not know. Well, technically, “most” of the world doesn’t know. One cryptid researcher has refused to allow the limitations of traditional scientific documentation and observation to confine his probing into Sasquatch behaviors.

Michael Rugg, co-founder of the Bigfoot Discovery Project, has committed himself to the truth at all costs. By all costs, we mean ” at the cost of conventional western science.”  This from the BDP website-

“The BDP accepts the subject of the Patterson/Gimlin Film as the type specimen for the Pacific Coast Bigfoot or Sasquatch and seeks to create a dialogue about the implications of the impending “discovery of Bigfoot” by conventional Western science.

The Beer Yeti only hopes that conventionally eastern science has been more holistically embraced by Mr. Rugg. In the video below, Mr. Rugg elaborates on his findings on Sasquatch vocalizations, free from the restrictions of charts, first-hand experience and documented facts.

This isn’t science. It’s better than science.

Mr. Rugg’s Post-scientific, post categorical, pan-disciplinary, multi-dimensional, meta-research is the nation’s ( nay, the world’s) only hope of getting answers to these questions that plague us. Thank you Mr. Rugg, for all you are doing.

We are grateful for his dedication to the truth of the Sasquatch’s existence, and only hope that he will lend his wisdom and experience to protecting their freedom, and never infringing upon it.


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“Destination: Dumb Luck”

January 16, 2009

Some people just luck out. Totally apart from their talents, merits, or qualifications, good things just happen to them. In other cases, these bearers of inexplicable good fortune manage to avoid terrible things that all reason dictates should happen to them. What can make this phenomenon particularly confusing, is when one of these types is on cable television practically begging to be savaged by an affronted Yeti.

For a while now, the Sci-Fi Channel has been cashing in on the running streak of dumb luck experienced by Josh Gates, host of the show  “Destination Truth.” According to the show’s website-

Every week, Josh Gates — a world adventurer and eager truth-seeker — and his small crew of production buddies visit a different international destination alleged to be the home of a notorious, supernatural or mysterious creature…”

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Sound intense? You know it is; this guy has the shades, stubble, and open shirt collar to prove it. It’s so intense that the chick with the bangs next to him is going to keep that camera rolling come hell or high water. Even a staged publicity shot won’t interrupt her quest for truth. Read the rest of this entry ?

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Scientific Community Astounded by Shape-Shifting Were-Squatch

December 31, 2008

shapeshifting-were-squatch

UPDATE: Shape-shifters may be headed for the big screen!

If Mitt Romney actually is a shape-shifting were-Squatch, the staff at The Beer Yeti is unaware. We just wanted to protect the identity of the real Shape-shifting were-Squatch from villainous, “self-described” Sasquatch hunter Larry Sommerfield. The scientific chart posted above will be published with our upcoming white paper on the recent were-Squatch discovery.

For weeks now scientists have been working around the clock at The Beer Yeti research facility to dig to the bottom of the recent “sighting” of a 20 inch Sasquatch footprint by two men in British Columbia. Across the world speculators have wondered why a Sasquatch would leave evidence of his passing to the two men. Even our veteran staff made the mistake of assuming the the Sasquatch was leaving some kind of warning.

We could not have been more wrong.

As we have posted before, the truth of the situation is far more shocking.

Before we put down our findings, we urge our readers to consider the details of the original sighting of the footprint.

The two men claimed to have discovered the print while walking around their house at 9:30 in the evening. Additionally, the print was found near the path to the woodshed. To the inexpert eye this may appear as an inconsequential side note to the greater story of the print itself. However, it was seizing on, and correctly interpreting, these facts that enabled our researchers to conduct our battery of tests and calculations with such success.

No real Sasquatch wandered by the cabin of the two men. Lest you think we intend to suggest that someone perpetrated a simple hoax with a wooden cutout of a Sasquatch print; we do not. One of the men did indeed make the print, but it was with his real foot, and not a wooden cut out.

The truth: As darkness fell on the woods of British Columbia, a horrifying transformation took place within the cabin. A man fell to the floor writhing. Within seconds he exploded in size, limbs lengthening and tearing through his clothes. Long, matted hair curled out from his body, and brutal fangs lengthened in his jaws.With a roar he sprang toward his unfortunate companion, ravening jaws agape and slavering… Read the rest of this entry ?

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World-Shaking Analysis of Mormon Sasquatch Sighting To Be Released

December 12, 2008

After hours of seclusion in our secret lab facilities, the Beer Yeti Research Team is ready to release a discovery that will shake the scientific world to its very core. After reporting on the story of two Mormon missionaries who found a Sasquatch footprint outside their British Columbia home, our team of scientists vowed to reach the bottom of the mystery. Why did the Sasquatch reveal himself to these to men? The answers are bone-chilling. Even the Vietnamese Traditional Medicine guy in our health and wellness facility thought so! The data will be posted as soon as possible.

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Yeti Crab: The Face of Evil

November 11, 2008

yeti-crab

People fear what haunts the deep.

Certainly people fear the scourges of the shallows- namely small jellyfish and middle aged men in European swim wear- but nothing quite compares to the horror of something rising up from the unplumbed depths of the ocean to seize and drag you into the darkness.

It happens.

People are literally dragged into the depths by unnamed creatures on a regular basis, but few researchers have been able to ascertain the identity of these predators and live to report the findings.

For centuries seafarers have described all manner of loathsome, man-eating creatures, but not until 2005 did the unshakeable mandates of science confirm the existence of a beast more vile, evil, and rapacious than any rum-addled seaman could ever conceive of: The Yeti Crab. Read the rest of this entry ?